Musing Of A Guy

Musing Of A Guy

As my gaze gets locked to the black sky, the thought of love being absent from my life sprung up. I can’t digest the fact even after all these months that I have lost the one I loved and that I can’t have her in my life. My eyes get filled with tears everytime this thought comes into my mind but I can’t do anything other than to ignore these thoughts because I can’t fight with my destiny and so, I just close my eyes to let the tears get absorbed back. The absence of love from my life has made a hollow person because I deem it as the absolute necessity to have a happy life. The feelings for her haven’t died and probably never will but I have no option other than to bury them alive. It pains me a lot at night because nights make me feel her absence and I can’t do anything to gain her presence back. So, I just plug in the earphones and listen to romantic tracks which makes my heart heavier and it cries from inside due to all the memories that still seem afresh. 

Sometimes, all I want is to run upto her and crash into her arms to cry, to let my feelings escape, to tell her how I can never be complete but I know I can’t.

All I can afford to do is to put a lid on my feelings and just accept the pain that comes with it. 

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Being Alone Is Depressing? 

So, what do you think about being alone? Do you think it’s depressing? 

I will give you my views. 

I am alone. Even though, I have got friends. I haven’t got anyone who I can trust blindly. I don’t feel like sharing my thoughts and feelings with anyone. 

My destiny has forced me into this state where I haven’t got anyone with whom I can talk for hours and tell them anything regarding my feelings. 

One positive thing that has come out of this state for me is that the more I live in this state, the more I am getting habitual of it. 

Though, there are sometimes when at night I feel depressed about not having anyone to open up to but I have now become strong enough to counter those weak phases of mine. 

I have accepted what destiny has forced onto me and I have made peace with it. I no longer want or need anyone in my life to comfort me, to make me happy me. I may not be smiling all the time or may not be happy but I am at peace. 

Therefore, the thing is “Make peace with anything that’s hurting you from inside and accept the things your destiny has put you into whole heartedly.”

Real Feelings – Part 5

Real Feelings – Part 5

​You know diary, 

There are times when we are so vulnerable and weak. 

There are times when that special person is gone from our life on whom we were so dependent and without whom we couldn’t think of living our life. 

There are times when we desperately want someone to understand us and to love us.

There are times when we desperately search for that one person to resurrect us. 

But life never works the way we want it. 

Once you pass that desperate and testing time period, you start feeling better. 

You stop searching for that one person. 

You start believing that you don’t need anyone to love you and understand you. 

You start believing that no one’s good enough for you. 

You become self reliant and that’s the starting point from where on whatever happens around you doesn’t matter to you.

P.S – The testing time where I lived alone on my own made me a stronger person. It changed my views about many things. It changed me into a person who doesn’t feel for anyone now. It changed me into a person who doesn’t want anyone else in his life now. It changed me into a person who has better control on his feelings. It changed me into a person who sees love and relationships as a waste of time but I don’t judge others who love someone and are in a relationship with someone.😁

P.P.S  – Enjoying your life doesn’t mean to be partying all the time. Sometimes it just means to enjoy that cool warmth of winter sun. 😉

This One’s For You 

This One’s For You 

This one’s for you and only you, Fragrance. Your name suits you perfectly.

“Baby, I still remember the first time we hugged. I can never forget that close moment between us. My heart just raced so fast when we were in embrace. I still remember the first time I held your hand under table while our friends were sitting opposite to us. Your hand was really cold but it didn’t matter to me. I was smiling while you were blushing. I still remember the moment when I first kissed you on left cheek. Your cheeks went red just like an apple at that moment although I know you weren’t happy with my choice of kissing on cheek cause you wanted it to be on lips. I still rememeber the moment when after our short meet at the restaurant we had to leave. I was angry because we had to leave and your eyes were teary seeing me angry. I still remember the moment your head was on my lap and I just don’t know how to express that moment in words. I still remember the moment when I told you everything about me by trusting on you and that trust is still intact.”

“Your dark brown eyes are magical and beautiful. I can spend my whole life looking at them. You’ve got the best pair of eyes. With or without kohl applied, they are perfect to me. Your pink lips have the perfect curves. That small mole at the bottom of your lower lip makes your lips look more sensous. Your chubby cheeks are so cute that I always want to pull them. I love your little nose. I find it so cute and more so because of that piercing. I love your silky black hairs and how they flow with breeze. You are an epitome of perfection.”

Baby, I know we aren’t together. I know that our relationship has no future. I know what you are going through. I know why we parted away. I know I have to accept it. I know it’s paining us both. I just know everything. I don’t hold you guilty for anything. I know the love you gave me is what many just dream of. Somewhere, I can’t accept that we two aren’t meant to be together

Even with your little imperfections, you’re perfect for me and that’s why I don’t want to lose you. You perfectly understand even my unsaid words. We both don’t need to utter a single word to talk because we can talk through eyes. You provide me a sense of calmness. You tame my inner demons. Without you, I feel incomplete.

I just want you to know one thing that I have given you a part of my heart and it will remain only yours for the rest of my life.

My heart skips a beat when I receive a message from you. You still rule my heart and mind.

I still love you and I don’t think I can ever stop loving you.

You will always remain on the top of my unfulfilled wishlist. 🙂

ज़मीन पे न सही तो आसमान में आ मिल ,

तेरे बिना गुज़ारा ऐ दिल है मुश्किल ।

P.S – I don’t write poetry. I don’t know how to use poetic words in my writings. I don’t use tough words in my writings because I don’t know them. My writings are just plain and simple. 🙂

P.P.S – I know you will read it and comment on it. 😉 Let’s see what will you comment.

Darkness Personified 

Darkness Personified 

​That one moment pushed him into being something which he himself feared. He always wanted to be the good guy. 

The darkness overtook him. His eyes exuded that darkness. Those cold look in his eyes. He could just kill someone with that look only. 

A war was going on inside him every second between his good and bad side but everytime his bad side won because there was no one to hold his hand and give him that strength to face it. 

The world was totally unknown of this fight that was going on inside him. They failed to understand why he’s behaving like this. They were just ashamed of his behaviour and thoughts. 

He was totally confused about what was happening to his thoughts. With every passing second, his mind was going off the track. He was feeling way more than he could think.

He had become a true heartless person. 

Sincere Feelings 

Sincere Feelings 

​I never wanted to leave you cause I know you’re the best thing happened to me… 

I am so sincerely devoted to you and the love I have for you…

I wanted to marry you and get old with you…

I never wanted to have such a pious relationship get broken down because of society norms… 

I am trying my best to fill the void you left in my life but in vain…

I always feel like the tears are just on the brink of coming out… 

I don’t know how to be at peace…

I am trying to accept this but my heart is rejecting it… 

I am in a state of constant flux… 

One day, I am perfectly fine and the other day, I am totally lost… 

One day, I hate you for not putting up a fight and the other day, my love for you overtakes that hate… 

I can’t even hate you so that I can forget you and move on… 

You sort of controlled my moodiness but with you gone now, I am more moody than ever… 

You understood my unsaid words… 

You were the one who calmed me down… 

You were the one who listened to me patiently… 

You know I always need someone to share my feelings with and you were that person for me…

You were such an integral part of my life that now I am struggling to live it as before… 

I am not strong like you…

My feelings for you is over powering my will power…

I am hurt because you broke my hope but then I get reminded that you never gave me any hope or promises… 

I tried to be angry on you, to hate you but in vain, for my love for you is so vast and deep that it dissolves these feelings completely into it… 

I tried to vent out my anger by blaming you but then I felt more bad… 

The things that made me happy don’t make me happy now… 

My happiness was because of you… 

You always knew how pious, sincere and true my love for you is… 

You made me feel so loved and now that you’ve left, I am struggling to feel loved again… 

You are my drug… 

I have hidden myself behind a facade but even that’s not giving me peace which you provided me just by your presence… 

I can’t hate you and I can’t stop loving you… 

Tell me please what do I do??? 

I am torn between my feelings…

तुम्हे भूलने में मुझे कुछ वक़्त लगेगा और वही कुछ वक़्त सारी ज़िन्दगी है मेरी। 

It would take some time for me to forget you and that some time is my entire life. 


P.S – It’s such a bane to feel love so deeply.

Daily prompt – Sincere

His Last Words

His Last Words

She sat there in front of the mirror seeing her reflection. It was his birthday today. She still remembered it. His last words echoed in her mind.

“You are leaving me for such a silly reason. I tried my best. I gave you all my love. I never betrayed you but now what you have done is worse than betraying. You have broken my heart, my soul, my belief on love. One day, you are going to rue this decision of yours but it would be too late. One day, you will miss me so much but I won’t be there. One day, you will long for my return but I won’t come back. One day, you are going to cry but I won’t be there to wipe away your tears. One day, you are going to miss my touch but I would be far away. One day, you are going to realize that there was a guy who loved you more than anything but you didn’t do right with him. I never thought that you would break my heart but you did it. With you giving up on your lover, you are also losing your only best friend and soulmate. Thank you for changing me and live a happy life.”

Her eyes got filled with tears. She was really missing him but she could do nothing more than shedding tears. She was now feeling the intensity of pain she inflicted on him. She now realized the intensity of his words for they pinched her heart deep because they were true and came straight from his heart. He was still somewhere in this world far away from her.