Unsaid Feelings Of A Girl

​Here I am sitting in front of the mirror looking at my reflection. Today, I am going to get married and obviously, I am dressed in my wedding outfit. I look ravishing. Mom came and I asked for 5 more minutes because I want to look at myself for the last time before becoming someone else’s for the rest of my life. She first resisted but then gave me those 5 minutes.

A very important phase of my life is going to start and everyone thinks that I am happy but its only me who knows how much it pains when you are broken inside and still have to smile. My marriage is an arranged one. The guy I’m going to get married has been finalized by my family as they don’t believe in love. They don’t believe in love but why am I dealing with its consequences. I just loved a person and thought of getting old with him yet I am not able to marry him. I have done nothing wrong.

Remembering those memorable times with him that I still cherish, my eyes are wet now but I don’t want to cry cause I have already cried a lot. We were best friends in school and when this friendship changed into love, I don’t know. I still remember our silly chats on Whatsapp. I still remember how he would make me cry and then made me smile with all his care and silly talks. I still remember how he saved his pocket money to buy a pendant for me on my birthday. I still remember our late night chats that ended at 5 or 6 in morning and then we both would laugh as to what should we wish each other – good morning or good night. I still remember all the thoughts he shared with me. I still remember our intimate moments that we shared while talking on phone. I still remember our first kiss. I still remember how he would continuously look at me and it would make me blush. I still remember how he would make me laugh with his silly jokes no matter how much sad I would be. I still remember how many times he hurt me but still then his nature and truthfulness never allowed me to leave him.

I still remember that I told him to never leave me alone and he happily promised me. I still remember that I would always tell him to not keep any hope of our future and he would always smile.

But today I feel like I am betraying him. I feel like I have betrayed his pious love for me. I feel like he would never forgive me for what I have done with him.

I look at my forehead which would soon have a hint of red. I look at my neck where a mangalsutra would soon be hanging. This wouldn’t  represent that I am a married woman now but it wouldn’t be him who would tie the mangalsutra around my neck and vermillion on my forehead.

Even after knowing that my parents wouldn’t approve our relation, he still met them but in vain.

I know somewhere he would be crying more than me, cursing me…

Image credits – Google